A father’s appeal: Choose to act

When my son Matthew was murdered nearly nine years ago, my family had a decision to make. We could mourn Matthew’s death privately — withdrawing into some semblance of seclusion, try to resume our “normal” lives, pretending that nothing had changed ... or we could use this tragedy to talk about hate and help make Matthew’s murder a wake-up call throughout our country. We made our decision — a choice we consciously and proudly continue to support every day.

Our son died because of hate. He was killed simply because he was gay. For us, our choice was a no-brainer. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Matthew — his spirit, his passion for people or his smile. And since his death, we have witnessed more acts of hate, bigotry and injustice against other lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans. For Matthew and all of the other victims, our family has chosen to fight and to act — to speak out against hate, to “come out” as allies, and to engage ourselves in the process of change.

Some days are harder than others, but I choose to act for the memory of my son. I choose to act for the memories of the thousands of victims of hate crimes. I choose to act for those that don’t have the strength or ability to act. I choose to act because we, as a nation, cannot afford not to.

I choose to act because I was, and still am, very proud of my son ... of who he was and the struggles he had to overcome to become that man. I choose to act because I never want another LGBT American to go through the fear, the pain, the violence or the loneliness that Matthew went through on that horrible night. I choose to act because I never want another parent to go through what we went through — the grief, the giant hole in the heart, the bedside vigil or the realization that holidays, family vacations and the normal, dull routine of work, home and life will never, ever be the same.

All of us — gay and straight alike — need to act. Hate affects each and every one of us. It knows no limits, follows no clear set of rules, and has infiltrated our society’s most basic institutions. For that reason, I am humbled that the U.S. House of Representatives has chosen to act, and to do so in Matt’s memory, and the U.S. Senate is poised to follow. They are now taking the first giant steps in making the Matthew Shepard Act the law of our land.

The legislation is simple: to protect people from being attacked, beaten, brutalized and murdered because of who they are. It’s a necessary, measured response to the consequences of hate that took my son away from me and has taken far too many other Americans from those who loved them.

I challenge all of you to follow the example of the House by making the choice to act. Encourage your senators to vote for the Matthew Shepard Act. Today. Tell your story about how hate has affected your family. Today. Come out as LGBT and allied. Today. Choose to erase hate. Today! We all have a responsibility to act. If we don’t — who will?

Dennis Shepard, father of Matthew Shepard, is co-founder of the Matthew Shepard Foundation. To find out how to contact your senators, visit www.MatthewShepard.org.