Editorial
© 2007 Philadelphia Gay News

Our dirty secret

The sexual-minority community is accustomed to dealing with myths.

Each day, same-sex couples battle slews of misconceptions and stereotypes that society assigns to them.

And while some of these myths threaten collective feelings of self-worth in the community, one deep-seeded, unspoken myth — the myth that domestic violence doesn’t affect the GLBT community — puts it in very real physical and psychological danger.

According to www.rainbowdomesticviolence.itgo.com, domestic violence takes place in 30-40 percent of same-sex couples.

Contrary to popular belief, straight couples share the same statistic.

The statistic is tragic on all sides, but even more for sexual minorities since society is less willing to believe there is domestic violence in same-sex couples.

The image of one woman raising her hand to another seems foreign and backward. Likewise, the image of a man cowering in front of an abusive male partner seems surreal.

Same-sex domestic abuse questions the gender roles that have been in play for centuries.

The problem is disturbingly reinforced internally.

As Equality Advocates Pennsylvania legal director Lee Carpenter said, “We have this bunker mentality — we just shut down the idea that it’s happening, because our relationships are constantly being pathologized. So it’s safe and convenient to pretend it isn’t happening.”

The longer same-sex domestic violence remains invisible to those outside and inside the community, the deeper ingrained it becomes.

Regardless of the sexual orientation of the abuser or victim, society is far more comfortable sweeping domestic violence under the rug than confronting it.

But why, after ongoing battles to fight second-class citizenship, does the disparity between perceived and actual domestic violence hinge on sexual preference?

We’re left speculating about causes that feel like they should be outdated, but sadly are not.

The heartbreaking truth is that everyone is vulnerable to domestic violence.

The potential to believe we are deserving of abuse lies in many of us. And in some of us, there is the potential to abuse.

The community is not immune to the darker side of humanity that breeds violence.

And pretending that it is makes the situation far worse.

Only when the community accepts itself as it truly is — not just the negative stereotypes and not just the pristine upper crust — can it begin to bring domestic violence to the forefront and effectively confront it.