Creep of the Week

Well, the Mueller report is out and to hear Donald Trump tell it, the entire thing contained only a hand-lettered note on wide-ruled notebook paper that read, “I like you. Do you like me? Circle YES or NO.”

I, like many people, believe the entire report needs to be released. But I also never believed that Mueller alone could save us. Trump’s presidency is such a colossal mess that one man, even one man with a team of lawyers and a huge budget behind him, cannot save us.

Now Trump and his supporters feel vindicated, getting matching “NO COLLUSION” tattoos on their pasty white butt cheeks.

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“Let’s get this party started.” That’s how Brenton Harrison Tarrant kicked off his live-stream video of his massacre at the first of two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand.

I want to say this: “It goes without saying that Tarrant is a vile person deserving of universal condemnation.” But I can’t. Because, in this world of ours, it sadly does not go without saying. There are plenty of people praising Tarrant and admiring his actions.

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Well, child sex abuse in the Catholic Church is in the news again and, gosh, wouldn’t you know it? The Catholic Church is trying to blame it on the gays. Again.

A Pennsylvania grand-jury report found sex abuse rampant in the Church, something everyone who has ever delved into the issue has also found to be true. According to the report, some 300 priests preyed on children for decades while church leaders turned a blind eye to the literal hell on earth they were allowing to fester.

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This week’s column comes to you from both the “But People Can Change” Department and the “Yeah, But No” Department.

Think back to whom you were as an undergrad in college. I’m going to make an educated guess and say that you were insufferable. Granted, you were probably the sexiest you’ve ever been, even though you ate pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner most days. But, you likely thought you knew everything. And that’s annoying.

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You know those online ads that promise, “One weird trick to lose belly fat” next to an image of, say, a crudely drawn banana? Even if you don’t know what exactly those ads are trying to communicate, you know not to click them.

But not Grandpa Robertson. And he didn’t even need to click to know it was trying to trick him into recognizing the “weird way” gays “do sex.”

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