Creep of the Week

If you’ve never listened to Caffeinated Thoughts Radio, let me get you up to speed. It sounds a lot like one of those drive-time morning shows with the chattering hosts who think they are hilarious and laugh at themselves a lot. Except Caffeinated Thoughts is a right-wing Christian show dressed up to seem a little hipper than most (and there are so many) right-wing radio shows.

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My 6-year-old son has two moms. For Mothers’ Day (and, yes, that’s where we put the apostrophe), he gave both my wife (a.k.a. “Mommy”) and me cards with “coupons” for things like “let the dogs owt” and “serv dinr.” At school, he drew both of our portraits and wrote a little essay about each of us. He wrote that I was “good at writing poetry” and that my wife’s favorite hobby is “worcing owt.”

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Hello, gay and lesbian readers. I’d like to talk to you about your pathetic lives devoid of friends or family. It’s hard when the only way you know how to connect with other humans is to mash your identical genitals together. Which is why you’re probably reading this on your computer at home, alone with your cats or in a print copy of the paper you picked up to hide your giant erection as you wait by the restroom door at a gay club, hoping to make a new “friend.”

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