Being in middle school is tough. Your body is going through often-mortifying changes: acne, body hair, growth spurts. Your hormones are raging. Kids are often relentlessly cruel to each other. You aren’t old enough to drive. Your parents are hopelessly lame.

Not to mention the active-shooter drills you have to go through on a routine basis because the U.S. can’t get its shit together when it comes to guns. It’s revolting that protecting children from being slaughtered in math class is a partisan issue in this country and that Republicans are on the side of the guns. But that’s where we are.

If you’ve ever wanted to commit sexual assault, now is your chance. I mean, has there ever been a better time, especially for men assaulting women? We are in the midst of the Kavanaugh Window, where no accusation of sexual assault, no matter how credible, will be believed.

It has been a strange week. For starters, Donald Trump announced that after an on-again, off-again rollercoaster relationship, he and North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un are officially an item now.

Well, gay sex was decriminalized in India, so that’s great news. For those of you saying, “Well it’s about TIME, India!” I’d like to remind you that the U.S. didn’t decriminalize gay sex until 2003 (Lawrence v. Texas, holla!). We’re also still arguing about whether women can be in charge of their own bodies and whether black people’s lives actually matter. So, don’t give the U.S. too much credit here.