Creep of the Week

This week’s column comes to you from both the “But People Can Change” Department and the “Yeah, But No” Department.

Think back to whom you were as an undergrad in college. I’m going to make an educated guess and say that you were insufferable. Granted, you were probably the sexiest you’ve ever been, even though you ate pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner most days. But, you likely thought you knew everything. And that’s annoying.

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You know those online ads that promise, “One weird trick to lose belly fat” next to an image of, say, a crudely drawn banana? Even if you don’t know what exactly those ads are trying to communicate, you know not to click them.

But not Grandpa Robertson. And he didn’t even need to click to know it was trying to trick him into recognizing the “weird way” gays “do sex.”

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Oh, hey! Did you hear that in Kansas lawmakers are trying to establish the LGBTQ community as a religion? Or, more specifically, they’re trying to argue that LGBTQ people are actually secular humanists so that Kansas doesn’t have to recognize marriage equality anymore. Also, they’re contending that gay people aren’t black, I think.

I mean, the legislation includes the claims that, “There are no ex-blacks, but there are thousands of ex-gays” and “skin tone is genetic and sexual orientation is faith-based.”

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By the time this column runs, Donald Trump’s State of the Union address will be over and done with. But as I’m writing this, there’s a good 24 hours before the SOTU. I can’t stomach the 24-hour breathless “news” coverage the event is already getting, as if behind the podium will be a legitimate president and not a racist and misogynist buffoon who has done nothing but lie to the American people.

Anyhoo, it’s totes possible that something Trump says during the SOTU address (which I would like to rename the STFU address so long as Trump is the president) will inspire me to write yet another Creep of the Week column about him.

But I’m tired of writing about that fool, so this week let’s focus on something lighter: an armed man showing up at a public library to protest Drag Queen Storytime and refusing to leave. You know, to protect the children.

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